I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize