oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
