jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
