do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
