ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
