Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
