I'm going to jail i love you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
