Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
