she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
