Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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