I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
