She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
is that a dick in a sweater?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize