There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
