I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
