She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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