Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize