I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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