Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
