We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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