i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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