like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
