Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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