I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize