Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
