There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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