somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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