Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
