when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
