mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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