Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
