You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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