also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
