Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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