you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
