i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
