just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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