I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
