i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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