I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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