I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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