even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
