your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my shit smells like andre
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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