oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
