im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize