i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
