So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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