I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
