Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
