Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
