I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
