bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
