I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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