I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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