Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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