i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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