you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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