I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
