This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
