i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
