I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
