I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
