He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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