Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
