they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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