When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Randomize
