I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this will be a night to untag.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
