last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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