Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
