Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
