Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So many bounce houses so little time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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