the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've blown a few things in my day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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