Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
