Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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