we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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