I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize