She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
