I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
