I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
