He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
