we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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