Do vagina's smell?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
