even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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